Quitting Midway
On allowing what feels right to shift
Hello You,
Grab a coffee, get cosy, I hope these words can find you in a moment of gentleness.
Spring is in full bloom. The heat of the upcoming summer is started to show itself in the afternoons, the nights are still holding on to remnants of winter, Islamabad is being it’s glorious, colourful spring self. My home is surrounded by rose bushes; blooming reds and pinks and whites and oranges that make me smile so huge every time I see them.
And yet, my energy is starting to deplete.
I don’t know if it’s the Ramzan (Ramadan) schedules and the way the pace of the world around me changes in this month, or that blooming in the winter, and fading as summer starts to come is actually my energetic clock and I’m just started to learn about it, or that I have an overcommitting problem.
I do, very much, have an overcommitting problem.
I love empty spaces, enjoy them immensely. They leave so much to be imagined, dreamt up, chased. It is in empty spaces that I find the room to pay attention to what sparks my soul, and go after it.
Problem is, too many things spark my soul, and sometimes I try to go after all of them all at once, and that’s how I find myself here - in the middle of five things that excite me immensely, unable to be fully present with any of them, overwhelmed by trying to juggle between them, frustrated about not being able to show up for them the way I want to.
So, I’ve decided to quit things midway.
Things that I love, these courses and workshops and trainings and experiential spaces that I’ve waited for and had my eye out for and have paid for, I’ve decided to quit midway, because I’ve over filled my plate (yet again), and the joy isn’t there anymore.
I don’t want to do five very exciting things but only kinda do them. I don’t want to constantly be playing catch up. I don’t want my joy to turn into a to do list. I want to move between the things I love with ease, and do them easefully. I want to be present in spaces I show up for, and have room to breathe afterwards. I want to spend evenings with my passion projects, but I also want room to switch off after.
So I’m shortening the list. It’s been a hard decision, it’s come from feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by the things that were meant to bring me joy, and so something has to go.
I’m sitting with grief around my decision. I’m also sitting with that voice that says, maybe we could fit everything into our schedule? I’m sitting with, “but you already paid??”. I’m sitting with uncertainty about letting go of things that I’ve been so excited about. Sometimes, things that don’t bring me joy are easier to let go of. Things that I love, but just don’t have the capacity feel like a heavier letting go. But I’m also sensing a tiny sliver of relief of not having to do so much. I’m sitting with newfound room to breathe. I’m sitting with hope that what remains can become joyful again. And that’s what let’s me know, this is the right decision for me.
May you find the permission to let go of what has to be let go. May you let your frustrations lead you to what isn’t working. May you lighten your load, and move with joy between the things you love.
Forever mindblown by Andrea’s work
Thinking of what Mar often says in their classes, “We don’t say we’re scattered here, we saying we are passionate about many things”, and letting it soothe my soul.
The Mudfairy’s beautiful work makes me want to learn pottery so I can forever paint myself wonky mugs.
"I'm enjoying the thought of a soft life being a malleable life. One without harsh or rigid definitions. Instead, a multiplicity of self-defined and changeable expressions of who we are."
I’m trying a 1000 piece puzzle for the first time in my life, and I have strong feeling I’m about quit that midway too. Do puzzles hurt anyone else’s brain?
Notion is changing my life one page at a time. My over enthusiastic brain has found a home.
